Notes from the “Day Early” Club

Okay, I drank that cider TOO fast.  Or I’m TOO tired.  Or a combination of the two.

That amounts to this.  A list of stuff from today.

1.  My hair is one hella frizz fest.  It’s because I packed the big curling iron and had to use the regular one that only changes the direction of curls, not the texture, etc.  Add to that the running hither and yon….and then Portland.  Portland, you and me…we need to have a sit down.

2.  I’m sorry if you love the desert.  I hate it.  It’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen.  It’s dead.  All dead.  Dress it up with palm trees and overly irrigated grass.  I don’t care.  It’s horrible.  It’s hot and horrible.  It’s like hell….but on earth.

3.  I’m terrified of flying, but I also love it.  Like every time I get on a plane, I make my peace with this life and have a confessional with Jesus and then run through how I’m not going to freak out when we’re plummeting to earth.

4.  Listen, if there’s turbulence and you’re sitting next to me?  I will totally do the mom arm like you were in the passenger seat and I was driving.  Sorry.  Oh, and I’ll collect your trash and make sure the tray table doesn’t fall down on you.

5.  I love children.  I despise children on planes.  I want to throttle their parents.  Take a damn train.  I don’t care if you’re trying to raise them up to be confident, competent travelers.  Take Delta or something.  Stay away from Southwest.

6.  Oregon, your roads suck like nothing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve driven in Michigan.  I don’t know what happened.  I don’t know if you get the leftover civil engineers or you’re just trying to kill off visitors.  Your roads.  Are.  Fucking.  Terrible.

7.  I totally should have set up a Go-Pro in my rental driving from Portland to Hood River.  It was the best conversation a girl ever had with nonexistent mud flaps, three trailer long UPS trucks….wtF!, some bus thing that was attached to a flatbed trailer and….I don’t even know, standing water on highways, and then the view that I couldn’t look at but was constantly begging me to stare…even though I was driving.  You could sell that show.

8.  If you have never been here, you must…just try to avoid driving in the rain.

I have never, in my life of seeing beautiful amazing things, ever seen anything more beautiful and amazing.  Never.  Ever.  No wonder Portlandians don’t want new people here.  The view out my window?  It’s nothing.  Nothing at all compared to the stuff on the way here…in the rain…barely visible.  I seriously wanted to cry at multiple times for the beauty of it all.

9.  I’m not sure what was in that veggie burger, but it was pretty good.  There wasn’t enough ketchup for the fries.  The cider was impeccable.  It sucks drinking alone.  I don’t want to make new friends tonight.

10. I don’t know why Lewis and Clark went back east.  No wonder one of them went insane.


I Love You

I love You

I tell you “I love you” a lot.  I tell you that I leave you in the morning.  I tell you when we prepare to hang up the phone.  I tell you before you leave for work.  I tell you when you come into the kitchen IF I’m cooking.  I tell you when we’re watching TV.  I tell you “I love you” a lot.  You tell me, too.

I wonder though.

I wonder if you know what I mean.

You see, for me, “I love you” means much more than those very easy, very short few words.  “I love you” has become a type of shorthand in this insanely busy world we inhabit.  It’s become a secret and a reminder of much more than you’d find in the dictionary or even some pretty good commentaries.

It means “thank you for being here.”

Thank you for sitting with me.

Thank you for looking at me.

Thank you for forgiving me.

Thank you for wanting me.

Thank you for being the calm voice that sounds grateful when I call.

Thank you for letting me be quiet.

Thank you for telling me how great I look when I KNOW that I don’t.

Thank you for telling me how smart I am when I can’t figure anything out.

Thank you for being proud of me.

Thank you for annoying me.

Thank you for understanding how angry I get and understanding WHY I get angry.

Thank you for being patient.

Thank you for everything you’ve taught me.

Thank you for everything you’ll continue to teach me.

Thank you for our past and our regrets and each moment we spend surrounding and inhabiting and orbiting each other.

Thank you for saving me.

Thank you for being the island in this life that I can always escape to and always be safe and always relax on.

So, when I say “I love you,” please don’t think that it’s just words to fill the void.

It’s just the opposite.

Please know that when I say “I love you,” it’s a reminder that my thoughts and emotions for you are so huge that I have to edit them to three simple words or be forever drowned in that ocean.

You are the greatest gift in my life.

Stuff I Shouldn’t Write

So, sometimes, against my own better judgment, I write things that should just rattle around in my head instead of being made public.  But here’s the thing.  My husband and I went to friends’ house last night and spent several hours.  They drank beer.  I drank cider (2) and margaritas (3).  They drink regularly.  I do not.  I didn’t plan on doing anything this weekend.  An employee called in sick and so I had to go to work today…the day after the night out. Continue reading

I <3 My Job

Okay.  Not all the time.  Sometimes, I get bogged down the administrative bureaucracy of it all.  Sometimes, I wonder why the hell I waste my time in public service.  I mean, there ARE jobs out there that pay nice paychecks and don’t involve tax funding and all that.  Why not jump into the capitalist pool and have a nice, long soak?  I.  Like.  Money. Continue reading