Notes from the “Day Early” Club

Okay, I drank that cider TOO fast.  Or I’m TOO tired.  Or a combination of the two.

That amounts to this.  A list of stuff from today.

1.  My hair is one hella frizz fest.  It’s because I packed the big curling iron and had to use the regular one that only changes the direction of curls, not the texture, etc.  Add to that the running hither and yon….and then Portland.  Portland, you and me…we need to have a sit down.

2.  I’m sorry if you love the desert.  I hate it.  It’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen.  It’s dead.  All dead.  Dress it up with palm trees and overly irrigated grass.  I don’t care.  It’s horrible.  It’s hot and horrible.  It’s like hell….but on earth.

3.  I’m terrified of flying, but I also love it.  Like every time I get on a plane, I make my peace with this life and have a confessional with Jesus and then run through how I’m not going to freak out when we’re plummeting to earth.

4.  Listen, if there’s turbulence and you’re sitting next to me?  I will totally do the mom arm like you were in the passenger seat and I was driving.  Sorry.  Oh, and I’ll collect your trash and make sure the tray table doesn’t fall down on you.

5.  I love children.  I despise children on planes.  I want to throttle their parents.  Take a damn train.  I don’t care if you’re trying to raise them up to be confident, competent travelers.  Take Delta or something.  Stay away from Southwest.

6.  Oregon, your roads suck like nothing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve driven in Michigan.  I don’t know what happened.  I don’t know if you get the leftover civil engineers or you’re just trying to kill off visitors.  Your roads.  Are.  Fucking.  Terrible.

7.  I totally should have set up a Go-Pro in my rental driving from Portland to Hood River.  It was the best conversation a girl ever had with nonexistent mud flaps, three trailer long UPS trucks….wtF!, some bus thing that was attached to a flatbed trailer and….I don’t even know, standing water on highways, and then the view that I couldn’t look at but was constantly begging me to stare…even though I was driving.  You could sell that show.

8.  If you have never been here, you must…just try to avoid driving in the rain.

I have never, in my life of seeing beautiful amazing things, ever seen anything more beautiful and amazing.  Never.  Ever.  No wonder Portlandians don’t want new people here.  The view out my window?  It’s nothing.  Nothing at all compared to the stuff on the way here…in the rain…barely visible.  I seriously wanted to cry at multiple times for the beauty of it all.

9.  I’m not sure what was in that veggie burger, but it was pretty good.  There wasn’t enough ketchup for the fries.  The cider was impeccable.  It sucks drinking alone.  I don’t want to make new friends tonight.

10. I don’t know why Lewis and Clark went back east.  No wonder one of them went insane.